Twilight: no, really!
This weekend, I learned that Byzantine is secure enough in who he is to go to Blockbuster on a Saturday evening, by himself, and rent the teen vampire romance (vampmance? romire?) movie “Twilight” for us to watch.
No, really!
Have we lost our minds, you may wonder? Are we jealous that the word “tween” hadn’t yet been invented when we were that age, so we want to find out what we are missing? Did Fussypants abruptly advance in age by a decade and insist we let her watch it?
No, actually we watched the movie with the accompanying Rifftrax, which was very funny. I doubt either of us could have sat through the movie without it. You would have to come into the movie very, very invested in watching Edward and Bella (the two main characters, if you didn’t know, and I love what you’ve done with the bottom of that rock) stare at each other.
Staaaarrrrreeee and staaaarrrrreeee and staaaaaaarrrrrrrrreeeeee. For really really looooooonnnggggg periods of time. And very, very frrrreeeeeequuueeeentlllllyyyyy.
That is basically all that happens in this movie, really, I am not exaggerating. That is what the movie is about. A couple of other things happen briefly towards the beginning and end, but what the movie is about is Edward and Bella staring at each other.
So anyway, what I liked:
1. Jacob! Yup, I’m in the Jacob camp. (He’s a werewolf, and Edward is a vampire, and they don’t like each other, or something. But the important thing is he seems like a pretty nice normal guy, while Edward seems like kind of an idiot.)
2. The damp Pacific Northwest woods reminded me of the X-Files.
3. The evil vampire coven. They provide the main conflict in the story, although they receive about 5 minutes of total screen time out of this two-hour movie, because the movie is not about them (see above) although they are by far the most interesting characters.
4. The yummy looking diner food Bella and her dad are always eating.
5. The Bella actress has very pretty hair.
What I didn’t like…well, I’m not 13, I’ve never read the books, and my cat stares at me like 14 hours a day so I get enough staring already. But the movies aren’t for me. I don’t have any philosophical problem with them, when I was that age it was just something else we were swooning over, and it was probably something on tv (Kirk Cameron, I think, although I can’t really believe it myself) rather than books, so at least the kids are reading these days. So go hit the library, kids, and get off my lawn.
I’ve rated the Rifftrax above, since giving Twilight a star rating would imply I have an opinion about it.
So Byz, do you have any reflections on the movie (vampire joke haha)?
By
Angry Teti
June 28th, 2010
